too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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