Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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