She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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