STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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