I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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