Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
