Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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