i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
