my mouth tastes like poor choices
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
