I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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