I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
