I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
