Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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