and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
