I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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