Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
