the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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