Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
