she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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