Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
