I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
