i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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