no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
