look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
