i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
