I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There r osticjed everywhere
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
