Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Are we still banned from the library?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
