i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
