ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
