YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
