Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
