He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm eating all of the evidence.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
