whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
