I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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