we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
