Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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