would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
