God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
