I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
