Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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