the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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