he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
