I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
