Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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