i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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