so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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