I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
