she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
