I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
