Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
